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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has traditionally served as the safe haven of your Daily, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and key events, especially in relation to football. Readers were entertained to discover that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Spare a thought for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and needed rescuing from the vacant Barnsley ground following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat by Fleetwood. “He had no shoes on and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And who can forget during his peak popularity with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college for toilet purposes during 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered through the school like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as England manager post a quick discussion within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback by Germany in 2000 – the national team's concluding fixture at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, his confidential FA records, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies located him seated – just as he was at Anfield in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Full of TV journalists. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The restroom stalls. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm gone. I'm not suitable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, whereas a German currently occupies in the dugout where Keegan once perched. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women's major tournament coverage from Arsenal 2-1 OL Lyonnes.

Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, wearing only our undergarments. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with strong principles … however all remained silent. We barely looked at each other, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a chilly look. Mute and attentive” – ex-international official Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“How important is a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts in the school playground with kids he expected would overpower him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his decision to join Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|